Mary Magdalene Explains to Jesus Why He Is Losing Followers by Kristie Frederick Daugherty Your posts are verbose. People don’t read them. Paragraphs are scrolled past, and most of your content is humble brags. It’s a turn-off to read cryptic life updates. You’re the king of vaguebooking. Your parables, for instance. You, agog to create those aha moments. So 2010. Gag. You’d crack a vein for those hits of dopamine. The gig has become tiresome. Humdrum. Complete tedium. The rabbit leapt from the hat. Everyone is abracadabra-ed out. The magic of your pages, long gone. Your following mostly bots, no one real. You implore only air to pick a card. A sad sack dealer-cannot-lose-no-one-beats- the-house-deck. A fucking train wreck. You stacked it, this slight-of-hand-world. Churlish, really. Boorish, really. Your reels aren’t real, manufactured by AI, your disinterested daddy in the sky.
