Perimenopause by Denise Duhamel

"If you think people start to zone out when you tell them about your periods, try telling them about menopause."

Perimenopause
by Denise Duhamel

Last night I dreamed that I used a knife instead of a spoon to take my first bite
of morning yogurt and the blade cut right into my tongue. The yogurt mixed
with my blood like acrylics. I put a paintbrush right in my mouth and swirled!
Then I started painting everything pink. The tablecloth, the water glass, the
coffee cup, the bowl, the innocent spoon. If the teeth are male, then the tongue 
is a young girl. You may suspect the mouth is the vagina and you may be right. 
You may think a hole in the hand is stigmata, but according to my dream book,
it's also a vagina—unless the hole is on the back of the hand, in which case it's 
an anus. And blood from the mouth/vagina? Well, I haven't had my period in
four months. If you think people start to zone out when you tell them about your
periods, try telling them about menopause. They tend to yawn, their mouths
little vaginas, little drowsy moist caves. Oh white yogurt, I suspect I know what
you are.

First published in Ka-Ching! by Denise Duhamel (University of Pittsburgh Press, 2009).