The Fish by Tomaž Šalamun

I’m God because I love.

The Fish

by Tomaž Šalamun ¹

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I’m a carnivore, but a plant.
I’m God and man in one.
I’m a pupa. Humanity grows from me.
I have a perfectly spilled brain, like
a flower, so that I can love more. Sometimes I put
my fingers in it and it’s warm. Wicked people
say that other people drown
in it. No. I’m a belly.
I welcome travelers in it.
I have a wife who loves me.
Sometimes I get scared that she loves me
more than I love her and I’m miserable and
depressed. My wife breathes like a little
bird. Her body relaxes me.
My wife is afraid of the other guests.
I tell her no, no, don’t be afraid.
All the guests are single and for all of us.
A white match with a blue head has fallen
into my typewriter. My nails are dirty.
Now I’m mulling over what I should write.
One neighbor lives here. Her children make
a lot of noise. I’m God and I calm them down.
At one I’ll go to the dentist. Dr. Mena,
Calle Reloj. I’ll ring the bell and tell him
to pull out my tooth because I’m in too much pain.
I’m happiest in sleep and when I write.
The masters pass me from hand to hand.
This is necessary. This is as necessary
as for a tree that’s growing. A tree needs soil.
I need soil so I don’t go insane.
I’ll live for four hundred fifty years.
Rebazar Tarzs has already lived for six hundred years.
I don’t know if he was in that white coat
because I cannot tell them apart yet. When I write, I have
another bed. Sometimes I flow more like
water because water loves the most.
Fear hurts people. A flower is softest
if you put a palm on it. The flower enjoys
the palm. I enjoy everything. Yesterday I
dreamed that my father bent down to
Harriet. I get scared of other women and
that’s why I don’t sleep with them. But the distance between
God and young people is small.
In God there’s always one woman, and this is
my wife. I’m not afraid that the guests will tear me
apart. I can give them everything, but it still grows back.
The more I give, the more it grows. Then it floats away
to help other creatures. On one planet there’s
a collection center for my flesh. I don’t know
which one. Whoever drinks from it will be
happy. I’m a tube. I’m God because
I love. I have everything dark here, inside, nothing
outside. I can illuminate any animal.
I’m starving. When I hear the juices in my
body, I know I’m in grace. I’d have
to consume money night and day if I wanted
to build my life, but it still wouldn’t
help. I’m made for this,
to shine. Money is death. I go out to the terrace.
From there I see the entire landscape, up to Dolores
Hidalgo. It’s warm and soft like in Tuscany,
but it’s not Tuscany. I sit there with Metka and
look. The sun sets and we still sit and
look. She has arms like Shakti. I have
a face like an Egyptian animal. Love is
everything. Moses’s basket never
crashed on the rocks. Small horses walk
out of the flat landscape. Wind is blowing
from the Sierras. I go into people’s mouths head
first and kill them and give birth,
kill and give birth, because I write.

1. Poetry (May 2023) translated from the Slovenian